Letting

Me hiding behind my cat, Willow

I've read several blogs recently that talk about letting go of negative things in order to make room for the positive. I realized my problem isn't so much getting rid of problems. It is allowing myself the positive. So for this blog post, L is for Letting, as in:

• Letting myself make mistakes. I am so hard on myself. If a drawing or a story doesn't start out perfect, if I can't get it right the first time, I assume no one wants to see it. Technically this is getting rid of self-doubt, but it feels different in allowing myself to try, no matter the outcome.
• Letting others in. I have such a huge fear of rejection that I rarely let anyone know the real me. I always keep important parts of myself hidden. All this gets me is a feeling of extreme loneliness.
• Letting me just be me. I generally feel like I don't measure up to what I should be like, how I should look. Naturally the constant media push for all women to look like a plastic doll with the perfect, unattainable proportions doesn't help. Nor does the long line of thin, attractive family members. I need to learn that my size and lack of fashionable wardrobe is okay for me.
• Letting magick be my way of life. I work the occasional spell on holidays or moon phases, but I haven't explored all the possibilities, found the Pagan way that just makes magick natural, something that simply is without having to over think things. I haven't allowed this as yet for fear; of doing it "wrong," of making issues worse instead of better, of admitting that I feel like a huge fake.

Fear, in some shape or form, is a big factor in pretty much everything I do. So it seems that I really must allow the fears and learn how to get past them, how to be brave enough to acknowledge them as part of the process of growth.